bad day...

yesterday was a bad day for me. it started of with...

morning - ian throws all the toys on the floor, including the chair pad, pillows, books. i teach him to play the new ring stacko toy but he prefer to play them in separate pieces. kicks them all over. bored with the toys, he start to bite the tv rack. i give up, no more walking. clean up his mess and prepare to feed him porridge. i am trying to work on something and too bad, nothing can be done.

afternoon - besides throwing toys on the floor, he play with his potty. we put some water in the potty so that when he poo, his stool will not stick to the potty. he played with the water and is all over the floor. i am trying work on something again and this is what happen. i catch his hands, drag him to the back to wash his hands and drag him back in front again. guess what? he attempt to play again. speechless.. no more walking. put him at his chair, feed him yogurt and rusk. prepare his mattress and put him to bed. while i do the washing, he fall asleep already. the moment i walk out i see he already sleeping.

evening - after his evening milk feed, i tried to put him at potty. he cried. i tried few times, each time he cried. so i told him to tell me if he wants to poo as i am going to change his diaper. i keep an eye on him to catch the sign if there is. while i cut papaya for him, he poo. so angry. while i am cutting i keep talking to him. hope he will keep me inform if he wants to poo. but he did not. punish him with no youtube pokoyo during his papaya feed. wanted to punish him with no toys as well but i just can't do it.

conclusion:
i really don't know how to teach and train him. whatever i tried they just won't register to him. i tried to teach him to play his toys in a proper way but he prefer to play on his own way. i get him to keep his toys but he just won't. each time i keep for him, he will mess them up again. how can he learn? i can't keep doing this. i teach him to tell me when he wants to poo but he just won't. at a time he did and is like upon his wish. nowadays, i hardly recall he actually did. really felt so sad and disappointed. my problem? i don't know how to teach and train him? or his problem? so hard to learn things? i really felt like let someone else teach and train him. i don't wish to affect his progress if is really my problem. is unfair to him. is so heartache to see him with no progress.


not enough with all the above. my pending contract terms have been finalized. the bonus part is not what i was told. i was told that upon completion of the contract i will be paid back the total of my pay cut. but now is base on performance. although i am being assure that i will surely get it as they are happy with my performance. i am sad because of the trust i have given is not there. really heartache. probably is good to take a break. for me and also for ian. after that i shall decide and probably look for another job. higher chance for taking a break.

what a bad day right? sad...