to our dear papa...
dear, created this without your knowledge and plan to give you a surprise for your 2nd fathers' day. we have always wanted to start this but then we are so busy and time flies. lately i went through a friend's blog and i really feel a need of doing this. i don't wish to forget a single memory of ian in our life. don't you agree?
we have set to teach ian to call you dd = daddy. we pick the same tone thinking that he should be able to pick it up easier. somehow, out of the blue he started mumbling pa..pa..pa... that time was around when you are about to go for your 1st outstation trip leaving us at home. guess he misses you. that's the reason we try to fit into his way, change to teach him to call you papa instead of dd. takes us long enough to really totally switch from dd to papa. but then not long after that, he stop. so now, should we go back to dd or stick to papa?? what a question. :p
you have been a great dad and a great hubby. not pulling your legs but i really can't imagine taking care of ian without you. although i grumble a lot as that's how i release my stress. (sorry for being my sandbag..) you really did a great job. of course at times with all your messy little things that ended up giving extra work for me :p
sincerely that i have always know how much i rely on you. will not be able to do this much without you. i know how much you had done and help. trust me that i had always knew but then when it comes to the time when i am mad, all the rational gone. there i go, grumble, complain, nag etc.. sincerely wish to tell you how much i felt bad about it. it just went out of control.
you did a lot since i am pregnant. you learn to do some house cores. not much but imagine you have never done before. you learn and of course you can't fly right away but the idea of learning and helping is touching. i can't cook as the heat is directly towards ian and there you cook. after ian is here. my duty is on him and you took over the cooking. have been long since i really cook. your cooking improving but then i wonder what will happen when i really start cooking again. :p
ian arrive 2 weeks earlier than expected. i still have a list of things to do. there are some last minute items not bought. you did all the running jobs. do all the last minute buying. prepare the house for us to be home. the house is messy but that's how much you could do. (1 man show) i am so helpless at that time. so many things i can't do. you are there running up and down. work and house. a long list for you to do. the only time you could take a break is when we are back in melaka for confinement and yet not really a break. me there calling, complaining. you have to rush up and down every weekend. when i am back. me with all my complains - house is messy etc. but imagine that's how much a person can really do. felt sorry for all the complains, nagging and also giving you hard time with my emotion swing. if i have to do that much i might have gone crazy scolding here and there and yet you did not complain at all.
i am a light sleeper. with ian around i hardly sleep. a slight move i will wake up and is so hard to get back to sleep. you even take over the night job and let me have a good sleep. till now, you still do most of the night job and there i still keep complaining. i keep thinking that is your duty to help out. but then not everyone does that. i should have been thankful for all your help out. your help over the weekends. weekdays are definitely hectic for me to do everything alone. but that's our decision. we just got to keep moving.
i have been so silly, looking back on all the things that had passed. feeling sad and sorry for what not being done correctly. true that a person should look back and learn from mistake. to improve. but those are not common daily things that a person do. so how to improve? until or unless the next one. what i should do is to look at now and future. do it good so that i won't in the later days looking back at today and feel sad and sorry again. even for future i should not look too much on things that might not even happen. look at now. treasure every single moment and do it good. once the moment passed or done you can't turn it back. no point regretting.
silly me. i will try to improve and show you a better me. less complain. less grumble. most important my emotion and mind. control and control... let's do it good from now on.
sorry that i can't get a nice shot for you with ian. we shall try again...
we love you very much. we need you very much. happy fathers' day...
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