lousy and helpless...

don't wish to blog this. don't like to blog and keep sad memories. but really after i think about it i want to blog. why? want to remember how lousy and helpless i am.

ian fell down few steps from the stairs when he walk up the stairs. i was at his side, accompanying him. wanted to let him try to walk up on his own without my help. always heard people around me talking about their kids being able to walk/climb up the stairs on his own, walk/climb very fast. i ask myself whether am i over protected? too afraid ian will get hurt? ended up he can't do lots of things well on his own. is always with our help. am i restricting his progress and growth?

back to how lousy i am. i was by ian's side when he going to fall. i was so slow, clumsily trying to get hold of him but i fail. result in ian slowly lie down on the step. there i can again get hold of him but i miss again. again i was so slow and clumsy. he ended up slight down a few steps. lucky there was some chair pad place before the safety gate we installed at the bottom of the stairs. that stops him.

ian cried, but i don't think he gets bad hurt as i witness how he fell. bet is more to being frighten off. i check him and he seems ok to me. he can now running up and down as usual so i believe he is ok.

really can't believe how lousy and helpless i can be. 2 chances. i miss both of them. bet i can never forget this incident.

pa, i don't wish to tell anyone. but i have always been frank to you no matter what happen to ian. i am really sorry for how lousy and helpless am i. i can't find any better way to tell you besides getting it blog.